15th - 21st May 2023 is Mental Health Awareness Week 2023, and this year's theme is Anxiety. This is a topic which is really close to my heart - I never hide that I have suffered from anxiety - but I feel so proud when I look back on where I have been and where I am now.
When I was 15/16 I suffered really badly with anxiety & panic attacks, it came on overnight - I was always confident, chatty and never phased by much. I have my suspicions on why it started, but that's for a therapist not a blog haha!
I was in an exam and I remember to this day, being unable to think, read, function, my body shut down, and I stood up, headed for the door and ran. (Around the school campus, an invigilator hot on my heels)
For the next 18 months, I struggled to leave the house, I would rather sit in my room alone, I struggled with eating, socialising and talking to others. Now looking back I see what my family went through too, it wasn't just me it affected.
Lots of medication, therapy, time and family support, allowed me to one day decide "I'm going to school today" and I did, I was back in school. Slowly but surely I found myself again. By 18 I was the manager of a fine dining restaurant. By 20 I had moved to Glasgow and was studying for a degree in theatre. By 24 I was a stage manager on the first Pantomime at The London Palladium in 30 years.
Do I still have days where I feel low, struggle to make myself get out of bed and not want to talk to anyone? Yes, I absolutely do. I don't believe anxiety ever leaves you. However, I can manage it. My incredible husband often sees me becoming anxious before I do.
I have tried to surround myself with people who make my life better. I have a job, which I love, with employers who respect my need for a work-life balance. I prioritise myself and make sure I take time for me. I have only learned to do these things by trying to be nice and friends with everyone I met, no matter what they did. I have worked jobs that consumed my life and made me depressed and I have given everything to others and forgot about me.
It's been trial and error, but as I grow older I have found what I need.
I can't offer anyone specific advice, because anxiety is personal. I can't stand when people say "I know what you are going through" or "Tomorrow will be better". But I can recommend you reach out for help.
For me, my life got a lot brighter than it did back when I was 16, and I honestly thought it would never end. Each year I make personal and professional achievements I never dreamed I would be capable of. I wish I could speak to 15-year-old me and just say, this will end and you will get through it.
I love Children's books for their positive and simple messages, Moose has a book 'Incredible You' by Rhys Brisenden and Nathan Reid (Amazon Associates Link)-
"You're fab and fantastic!
You're one of a kind.
You're unique and AMAZING.
Always bear that in mind.
So there's only one thing that id like you to do
And that's never stop wanting to be
INCREDIBLE YOU!"
I could list people who supported me endlessly through this time, from giving me a safe space at school to driving me back and forth to school each day when I wouldn't walk. You know who you are, and you all made me who I am today.
Thank you for being so open about what you’ve been through, and how much you’ve achieved. I’ve got a close friend wit’s anxiety and it can be just crippling xx