4th - 10th March 2024 is LGBTQ+ Adoption and Fostering Week.
I am lucky enough to have become a part of an incredible, supportive and welcoming LGBTQ+ adoption community on Instagram, and I am privileged that people have reached out to me as they begin the process. This is such a nerve-wracking time and a time when you may not be ready to shout about the fact you're adopting to vocally join the community online.
A question that is often asked; what is the difference between a voluntary agency and a regional adoption agency (RAA). The main difference is a voluntary agency does not look after children, a RAA have children in their care. I think everyone has a preference over which they would choose. We started with a voluntary agency, and due to circumstances out of our control, we ended with a RAA.
I always recommend speaking to various agencies when you are looking to begin your journey of adoption. See what agency feels right for you. Attend open evenings and online events to see if the agency aligns with your views and say the things you want to hear. Often at these events, you will get to hear from or speak to adopters, and I think this is incredibly valuable.
When is the right time to adopt - well, is there ever a right time to adopt? We held off starting whilst Pete studied, but the agency was aware we wanted to start straight after. They advised us to wait, but they explained why - this is super important to me, they should explain why they are giving the advice.
We paused twice during our process. In my view, you must prioritise yourself during the process, it is really tough, and tiring. We paused whilst I changed job, which we knew was the best thing for our family. I was so stressed, what if that meant we would miss our child? But actually, if we hadn't paused, we maybe would never have found Moose.
Also - a question I see that worries me; can I adopt if I am gay, trans, or non-binary? YES. Yes you absolutely can, and if an agency tells you otherwise, A. They are wrong, B. Don't use that agency! Being part of the LGBTQ+ community one can assume we have faced rejection and so have so many adopted children. We understand identity, and how important this is. The same as an adopted child, understanding who they are will be incredibly difficult as they grow, we get that. We can bring so many things to the table, and a good social worker will highlight these during your home study, just as ours did.
Something else that we didn't expect, some children struggle to trust a specific gender due to their history. So a child's social worker may specifically seek someone of the opposite gender. We saw a child when we were family finding that struggled to bond with and trust males, therefore a female couple or single female would have been perfect!
New Family Social have themed the week this year - Different Together. New Family Social are a UK charity and an amazing resource for queer adopters. They run online events, and have an online forum but also run in-person events and summer camps. They also mention (on the page linked above) that it is now 1 in 5 adoptions in England are to same-sex couples. I also personally love their podcast Adoption, Fostering and Tea which I have listened to since way before Moose came home.
You can subscribe to New Family Social, but I know that our adoption agency paid this for us, so it is worth asking.
Check out my Instagram, I am always sharing posts from other adopters so you will hopefully find some useful information there.
My book Time To Be Dad is available to pre-order if you would like to know more about our story.
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