After three months of leave from my work since Moose, our adopted son was placed with us, I started working full time again. It was another big step for us as a family; for myself seeing Moose a lot less, my husband solo parenting a lot more and Moose getting used to a new structure and learning that I will always come home.
I have been incredibly lucky that my work have been so flexible during my leave. 2/3 of the way through, returned part time as I wasn't using statutory leave anyway. Pete is on Shared Parental Leave, returning to work during school holiday periods. These last few weeks have been a transition into becoming a working dad - not just a dad!
I returned to work three mornings a week when Moose was in preschool. That was more for my mental health, getting some adult company and getting back on with things in the workplace. My work is very rewarding, as is parenting but each part of my life provides different types of reward for me. For ten years of my life I worked 6 day weeks, so it was very odd to not work for such a long period of time.
However returning to work for the mornings got Moose used to coming home to me not being there, and him realising I would always come back. The first two occasions he didn't speak to me for about half an hour after I got in from work, but over the days that followed he got more and more excited to see me come home. This also allowed us to introduce a couple of sessions where only Pete took him to preschool rather than both of us.
My working hours mean that when full time, I actually leave the house before Moose gets up. But I would always rather be home for dinner and bed time. The mornings are quite stressful! Each day, when we put Moose to bed we prepare him for the next day telling him who will be there when we wakes up - for adopted children it can be quite stressful when routine or people change, as we know.
Before he heads to preschool he FaceTimes me, I always prioritise that call. It's a real shift for me putting work second, but it's a two minute call, and I know how important it is for him. When Pete is back at work and Moose is at school, this call will be earlier which will make it easier for me.
I definitely feel parent guilt not seeing him so much or spending as much time with him, so I just make sure I make the most of the time I do have. I work two longer days, these end up getting home in time for dinner, then bed time routine! But I usually do bath time, to try and give Pete a break too who will have had Moose all day. Then we do alternate bed times. I make the most of cuddling on the couch as he relaxes for bed then we head upstairs to read his story.
I also have to work on separating work stress and home stress! I noticed myself, that I was being really short with Moose on occasion in the evening if I had had a stressful day at work. He is getting much better at reciting his day to me telling me everything he has been up to.
Then I make the most of the weekends. Moose and I had a day to ourselves a couple of weeks ago. We done all of our favourite things. Headed to the forest for a rainy walk in the woods, we went to a coffee shops for our favourite drinks. We also done a bit of shopping, we got him a new helmet for riding on his scooter and then when we were home we spent time reading books and doing arts & crafts.
When we went our walk Moose got to choose the way he went - I bang on about choice in another blog - but he genuinely loved deciding which way we went next. It did lead us up and down some rather slippery and muddy slopes, meaning a full change of clothes was required for him when we got home!
It is definitely a huge shift in life. I am exhausted all the time! It's not tired, its genuine exhaustion! But everything is worth it, so so worth it. I prioritise better now than I ever have - making sure I leave work on time, and setting time aside at the weekend just for Moose.
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